Why wait any more?
You’ve been doing it for so long.
Waiting for more.
Always more.
Just so you can do what you want.
It’s so easy to wait.
It’s the obvious thing to do.
You need to wait until you have more time.
You have to wait until there’s more money.
You can always wait for everyone else,
Because that’s who you are.
It’s your badge of honour.
Waiting.
Always waiting for something.
But how long can you wait?
Will you wait until you’re too old?
Will you wait until the world is ready for you?
Will you wait until your next life?
Maybe.
Who knows?
When you’re waiting, you can never be sure.
It’s in other hands, not yours.
Always waiting for something to change.
Or someone.
It’s a very long wait.
What else can you do?
What you need isn’t here yet.
There’s really not enough.
You really have to wait until something changes.
And then the questions creep in.
What if it doesn’t change?
What if I never have enough?
What if this is just the way I am?
What if this is just the way life is?
Then what?
Keep waiting?
For how long?
Forever?
Or give up?
Let it go?
Forget that I ever wanted something?
Of course you can give up.
It’s pretty sensible.
It’s what other people seem to do.
It’s more comfortable.
It’s definitely safer.
But a little voice inside you says NO.
You can’t do that.
That’s not what you’re here for.
A struggle ensues.
A battle in your mind.
Trying to make the choice between waiting or giving up.
Neither is attractive.
Neither feels right.
So you go back and forth.
Back and forth.
Trying to figure out what to do.
Your friends have opinions.
Some say “Wait. It will come. One day in September.”
Some say “Let it go.
The universe is saying no.
Don’t fight the universe.
It doesn’t want you to go that way.
You’ll never win.”
More struggle.
Sleepless nights.
Surely there’s something wrong here.
Isn’t it supposed to be easier than this?
Isn’t there a better way to live than this?
Either waiting forever,
Or letting go forever?
NO.
I don’t want that.
I don’t want life to be like that.
I don’t want to wait forever.
Hoping hopelessly for what will never come.
I don’t want to give up forever.
Settling into bitterness and resentment
Because life didn’t care enough to give me what I want.
That’s not OK.
I will not live that way.
There must be something better than that.
Pause.
Questions.
What?
How?
Really?
Is it possible?
Could it be different?
Is there a better way?
Well, of course there is.
It’s like stepping through a door into the darkness.
Not knowing what’s on the other side.
My curiosity is heightened.
I must move forwards
I have no idea what to expect
I step forward.
I make a decision.
I’m not waiting any more.
Even if I can’t see anything clearly.
The pain of waiting is too strong.
I can’t handle more of it.
I need something new.
That will be better.
It must be, because I say it will be.
It’s time for me to admit
That it’s in my hands.
I am responsible.
I am the one who chose to wait.
No one else did it to me.
And I am the one who can choose
To wait no more.
I don’t need a reason or a path.
I don’t need anyone to show me how to do it.
I don’t even need to know what to do next.
It’s simpler than that.
When I say it will be better.
It is.
When I say I’m not waiting any more,
It’s true.
I’m moving.
I’m making.
I’m weaving.
I’m creating.
I don’t know how to do it.
There’s no instruction book.
I’m right on the edge of the unknown.
I could be completely lost.
But I’m not.
I’m here.
Things are happening.
Things I wanted for a very long time.
It seems so easy. What was all that waiting about?
It was never necessary.
I could have moved at any time.
It was as if I couldn’t see the door
When it was right in front of me.
The doorway to my life,
Fuelled by my soul’s desire to live
And thrive
And express
And enjoy
And create.
