Will It Work For Me – The One Question I Always Get About Personal Development

070. Love

Will it work for me? I’ve tried so many times, done so many courses and bought so many promises but I’m still in the same place. Nothing has worked yet so why should this be any different?

It’s a fair question.

There are two myths that underlie this question and there’s also some real truth in it.

Myth 1 – the overnight miracle

Most people still appear to have an underlying expectation that one day all their problems will magically be solved and they’ll never come back again. It’s like expecting that the sun will shine for ever more and there will be no more clouds or rain. It’s not going to happen.

What you can reasonably expect and ask for is that you keep improving overall. That you are spiraling up, not down. That each time you come round the challenging side of the spiral it gets easier, not harder.

From time to time there will be a bigger challenge – that’s natural – but it will give you bigger growth as well.

And there will even be some miracles (they will be your testimonial moments, when it’s a pleasure for you to share your story). But miracles are usually built on a lot of small steps that are way less dramatic and don’t make good testimonials. That’s the stuff you never hear about, but is critical to success.

Myth 2 – the single solution

It’s easy to look for a single course, program, practitioner or method that will solve all your problems for you for ever. It’s a variation of myth 1. It’s like expecting that going to university is enough learning for the rest of your life. It’s just not like that.

What you can reasonably expect is that you will find different programs and people at different times. Some of them will inspire you and help you more than others. Sometimes you need to try the bad ones to find the good ones. None of it is a waste of time. But it’s worth being discerning and don’t spend a lot of time with someone who’s not helping much.

One of the hardest parts is that what you learn may be very valuable, even life-changing, for a few years, but will not necessarily last for the rest of your life. You are constantly learning new things and letting go of old ways. This applies to your personal development as much as anything else. So don’t even expect a single solution to have all the answers. It’s so unlikely as to be pointless hoping for it.

As I reflect on 20 years of teaching and coaching I sometimes ask myself what’s the real key to all the results I’ve seen people achieve. Why do people solve problems that have been stuck for years and years and years?

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just two keys that make the most difference. They are possibly more important than all the skills I’ve learned over the years. The interesting thing is that anyone can access these two keys. You don’t need years of training or experience, just willingness.

My two biggest keys are love and patience.

If I’m really honest, I would say that most good results occur just because of these two keys. When you learn how to love yourself and your life, your results transform in the most remarkable way. All that self sabotage and self criticism loses its power and your ability to create what you want is dramatically enhanced.

The only other thing that’s really important is to be patient. Love grows gradually, sometimes in little bursts with gaps and lean patches in between. It requires a lot of kindness and a gentle approach to yourself and your life, which takes patience to develop.

When people ask me the question, “Will it work for me?” I know the answer is yes. This is not because my way is better than some other way but because I know the power of love and patience.

This is what takes you beyond the doubt, failure and fear. It literally dissolves the barriers that prevent you from creating whatever you want. It’s not a miracle and it doesn’t happen overnight. But it is inevitable, and so it always works.

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