So you’re not alone. This may not help much if you’re in the middle of things falling apart, but it can be a lonely place and you need to know that you’re not the only person who’s ever got into this mess – and got out of it too.
Here’s another thing you need to know, although I doubt you’ll believe me until a lot later. Although it may look disastrous, it’s truly amazing how we look back on our worst moments and see them as the turning points in our life, the keys to our growth – and that means that things get better again, often better than you could ever have imagined at the time.
Humans are amazingly resilient.
Usually the worst bit is when you’re trying to hold everything together to stop it from falling apart. It can feel as if you’re trying to prevent yourself from being ripped into pieces. All you can see is disaster whichever way you look, so you control yourself and everyone else as much as you can in a vain attempt to pretend it’s not happening.
I wish I could just be there and tell you it’s ok to let go.
First of all, we simply cannot hold on when life is moving forward. It feels more and more uncomfortable until you can’t handle it anymore and you let go anyway. You can feel as if you’re on the edge of a cliff, and in the biggest, scariest battle you’ve ever fought in your life. If you take another step back you’ll fall off the cliff and that will be it. Everything as you know it will come to an end. If you take a step forward you’re attacked again by the advancing enemy and certain death awaits you.
But that’s just how it feels. It’s not how it is. You’re not actually on the edge of a cliff. You’re on solid ground all around but some of it’s new territory for you. And it’s not the enemy you’re facing and fighting. It’s the old way of doing things that’s not working anymore. You’re struggling to hold onto an old story or expectation and you can’t see that your life is changing for the better. You’re fighting for dear life, and dear life is actually taking better care of you than you realise.
I know it’s very unlikely it feels like that. I’ve been there too. But even if your marriage is falling apart, your business is collapsing, you’re on the verge of bankruptcy, you’re surrounded by legal problems or you can’t see any point to any of it any more, that is simply a temporary situation that you have the ability to handle – otherwise you wouldn’t experience it. It’s going to change. And good is going to come of it. It always does.
And now, to be totally practical …
If you haven’t talked to anyone about what’s going on, find someone to talk to – whether a friend or a professional. You need an outlet for all the pressure.
If you’re feeling a lot of shame, please talk to someone anyway. Whatever you’ve done, however responsible you are, shame is not useful. There are lots of other people who’ve done the same as you and survived, even thrived. Find someone who understands if you can, and talk. Keep talking – it’s a lifeline.
In most countries, there is a crisis helpline. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to use it if you need to. They are there to help. You can find better or more sophisticated ways later, but today do what you can with what you have.
Take one day at a time. You don’t have much control over what’s happening and when you’re under huge pressure your visions of the future are rarely helpful.
Now is the time to pray, if you can. When we’re in deep shit we need extraordinary help. This comes from divine sources, even if it’s delivered via human beings. Pray for help, protection, support and solutions. Pray for all people who are affected to be protected and supported. Keep praying every day in any way you can.
If praying is not for you, find another way to ask for extraordinary help. Ask the universe, ask your Higher Self, ask other people, ask the stars, just ask with all your heart. Help is available for all of us – but we need to ask for it.
And remember, it’s changing all the time. It can get better or it can get worse from day to day, but overall it will only get better. That’s life.
You get the challenges in life you’re ready for. Strange sometimes, but true.
Life is much kinder than we ever realise, but we can’t always see it until later. Let’s call it tough love.
If you’re looking for help and want to explore what’s possible, please send me an email with an outline of the situation and I’ll either respond by email or arrange to chat on skype.