A very long prayer for desperate moments

This prayer can be read slowly, and repeatedly if necessary, to lift your spirit in a time of darkness or despair. 

Dear God
I sit here before you and I no longer know who I am.
I am lost in this world and I do not know which way to turn for help.
My life is not what I wanted it to be and I do not know how to change its direction.

Dear God
I am looking for comfort in my heart.
I am looking for peace in my soul.
I am looking for joy in my life.

But I feel far away from all of these.

Dear God
Please be quietly with me as I talk to you and start to climb up out of the darkness.
Please let me gently feel your presence as my true friend.
Please lift me softly towards the light I am so desperately seeking.

Dear God
I am here.
I am waiting for you.
I am here.

There is nothing I can do right now but talk to you, in the quiet of my mind. I am whispering my hopes all mixed with fears as I speak to you, hoping you are there, listening to me.

I have been in the dark. My sight has been covered over so I could only see despair. My spark was almost extinguished.

But I saw a tiny light, shining in all that darkness.
And I knew it was you.
I came closer to see if it was true. It was hard to see clearly. Sometimes it disappeared from my view and I was in darkness again. But then faintly, so faintly, it flickered again and I came a little closer.

I could not turn away from your light and yet it is hard to face your brightness. And so I talk. I talk to you. I talk to myself. I talk to all of Creation. I talk to Life. I talk to the spark of life that still burns inside me, the spark of you, held out in front of me, ever burning, ever bright and never-ending. I have no words to say but I must talk. I must step out of my internal darkness. I must come closer to the light, just one step by one step by one step. I am talking to you so I do not feel alone. I am talking to you in hope. I am talking to you because I want to feel your love again.

Dear God
I went so far away and yet you are so close to me. I can feel you entering my heart, entering my soul. They say you are always there but I could not feel you. I was numb, blinded by my own pain. But yet I could not resist your spark, your flash of light in the darkness, your tiny ray of hope. And so I looked up, and as I did so the light became stronger. I was afraid, but I looked some more. I no longer want to turn away.

I lift up my eyes, I lift up my head and I lift up my heart. I turn to the light and face the light, steady in its brightness. The light is shining into my soul. I want to turn away but I am here. I can be seen. I am open. The light is shining bright. I cannot turn away. I am drawn to the light, as it grows and pulls me forward in the direction of life.

As the light is dancing in front of me the darkness in my soul is lost. Overcome by one small spark. Dancing bright, beauty uplifted.

I am drawn to the light, as if on a string, a beam of white, unbreakable and so fine. I do not know what is happening to me. I am losing myself. My darkness is falling away. It is bright and I no longer know myself but I am here. The light is shining. I am not afraid. I can be seen. All is open, all is clear, all is bright. I am here.

It is quiet around me. The sound of my mind is stilled. I am alive, I am alight. I look around in wonder. This is not the world I was in so few minutes ago. This is a world of infinte grace. It is a world dancing in the beauty of life. This is a world of peace, where all is at one with itself. I am in this world and the world is in me. It flows over, around and through me as if I am not here, but I am here. I am in this world, completely and totally. I am the world and the world is me.

I am open to beauty, joy and infinite peace. I am surrounded, immersed in love. I am a light, a flame dancing in a world of brightness – infinite shades of brightness. Sparkling beyond my imagination away in the distance, for ever sparkling – light upon light upon light.

I am uplifted by one single spark into a world of unending glorious beauty. I am united with my soul and my life unfolds before me in unending delight. I am fired with joy and carried by unending love.

I am alive.

Thank you, Dear God.

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